WE ARE WHO WE ARE: Let’s trade FOMO for JOMO

By Lisa Sugarman

As human beings, we’re innately social creatures who are designed to form and cultivate new connections and live together as a part of a greater community. It’s just the essence of who we are. I mean, sure, in the veeeeery beginning, our social nature was driven by our need to survive, so, we relied heavily on each other just to exist. Now, though, we have incredibly intricate and complex social lives that depend on our interactions with each other, and that dependency has evolved to the point where we hate being left out of anything. Like anything.

And that can lead to a whole bunch of toxic outcomes around the fear of missing out, also known as FOMO.

You know, it’s that Gen Z term that refers to the anxiety (or fear) that comes up when we miss an exciting event or experience or opportunity that other people are enjoying. They’re the things we don’t want to miss out on but, for whatever reason, we do.

Now, maybe it’s because we intentionally weren’t included in something or maybe the thing we want to do just didn’t jibe with our schedule. Whatever the reason, the point is that we’re missing out on something that we wish we weren’t. And that can bring up lots of feelings of anxiety and envy and sadness over being excluded and it can be really tough on our mental health.

But there’s a new acronym that’s gone mainstream over the past couple of years that’s the opposite of FOMO that I’ve actually embraced, and it’s called JOMO — the joy of missing out.

Lemme tell you why. I believe it’s actually the antidote to FOMO because it’s the feeling of truly enjoying spending your free time doing whatever the hell you want, without worrying that something more interesting or better is happening somewhere else.

And lemme tell you, the concept of JOMO has been a game changer for my personal mental health. Because as soon as JOMO hit my radar, I immediately started reframing how I think about the idea of missing out on things. I did an emotional deep dive into how I was spending my free time and as soon as I started being honest with myself about why I was doing the things I was doing, I had an awakening. I realized that so much of what I was doing was coming from a place of insecurity over not wanting to miss out on things. And in my mid-50s, that was the absolute last thing I wanted to be driving my decisions to do anything.

I also found myself not wanting to let other people down, and since many of my decisions were predicated on what other people needed from me, ended up doing lots of things for the wrong reasons. And I’m pretty sure if you’re being honest with yourself, you’ll agree you do the same.

The truth, I discovered, was that the things I was doing and the people I was spending time with and the places I was going didn’t always align with what was in my heart. But I was doing them anyway because I didn’t want to miss out or disappoint anyone. And that revelation created an almost instantaneous mind shift into a more positive and mindful emotional place. Because I recognized that all I really wanted was to be content and present in the moment. Any moment. And I wasn’t achieving that when my decisions were based on what was making other people happy.

Why JOMO is a Healthier Mindset

1. It reduces stress. By embracing JOMO, we avoid the pressure to constantly engage in social activities or stay connected online, which can ultimately lead to burnout or anxiety.

2. It fosters mindfulness. JOMO encourages being present in the moment and finding contentment in one’s own space, helping people focus on their own mental and physical health.

3. It promotes self-care. It allows us time to rest, reflect and engage in activities that bring us authentic joy and relaxation and that creates better mental health and well-being.

4. It improves focus. Without the constant distraction of FOMO, people can concentrate better on personal goals and relationships that are truly meaningful.

5. It improves your mental health. JOMO often leads to better overall mental wellbeing because it reduces the constant self-doubt or inadequacy that FOMO manifests.

6. It leads to better decision-making. With JOMO, we’re prioritizing what really matters to us, instead of chasing trends or social validation which are really nothing more than optics.

The point is, by accepting and actively practicing JOMO, we can create a healthier balance between our social time and our alone time. And that can be life changing.

So, whenever you’re feeling those feelings of FOMO bubbling up and threatening to put you in a bad headspace, flip the script and remember that the joy of missing out can actually be a gift because you’re doing what makes you happy and not wasting time and energy trying to keep up with the Joneses. And they’re posers anyway, so trying to keep up with them is just a waste of time and energy.

Lisa Sugarman is an author, nationally syndicated columnist, three-time survivor of suicide loss, mental health advocate and crisis counselor with The Trevor Project. She’s also a storyteller with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and the host of The Suicide Survivor Series on YouTube. Sugarman is also a Survivor of Suicide Loss Grief Group facilitator for Samaritans. Visit her online at lisasugarman.com.