WE ARE WHO WE ARE: Do you have a high or a low social battery?

By Lisa Sugarman

Question: Have you ever hit a point when you felt so socially depleted that you just lacked the capacity to cope with, you know, people? Like you just needed to shut down and hide from the world because you just couldn’t find the emotional energy reserves to engage?

To be clear, I’m not talking about depression, I’m talking about something different. What I’m referring to is that thing we’re all hard wired with called a social battery — that internal storeroom of emotional energy each of us has that allows us to do things like interact with people in social situations. It’s a metaphorical thing that can be charged and drained depending on the circumstances.

I’m sure as hell acutely aware of my own social battery, that’s for damn sure. And I know I’m not alone, because I’ve heard from way too many people lately that they’re feeling emotionally fatigued (or irritable or disconnected or anxious) in ways that have left them feeling exhausted and void of the energy to manage their emotions.

That’s why, this week, I’d like to talk about our social battery. Because it’s when we talk about the things that challenge us emotionally, put a name to them and learn how to, in this case, recharge, we regain control.

In my case, I’ve noticed that, as much as I love engaging and socializing with people, I also need equal parts of quietude and solitude to avoid feeling drained. And it’s taken me decades to not only come to that realization, but to put boundaries in place to ensure that I can maintain that precarious balance.

Now, some of us just naturally have a higher capacity than others to handle more socializing, while others have a much lower threshold for being with people and just need extra time to recharge. (And as I’ve already said, I 100% fall into the latter bucket.)

Over the years, I’ve watched my own social battery capacity change drastically, a lot like how the integrity of our cell phone battery weakens over time. That’s kind of what’s happened to mine. Because while I’ve always loved and thrived on human connection, the older I get, the more I’ve noticed that I need more quiet time than ever to re-energize and reset. And a lot of that has to do with maturing and developing a better understanding of what each of us needs to stay emotionally healthy.

The most important thing to remember is that everyone’s battery size is different. And that’s OK. We just need to make sure we’re paying attention to when our needle is on empty and give ourselves the recharge we need.

So, if you’re noticing yourself feeling anxious or overwhelmed or unusually tired after lots of social time, that could be a signal that a) you have a smaller social battery size to begin with, or b) your battery is empty and you need to take time to recharge.

But what are the signs to look for to even know that our battery is weakening? Well, here are some of the reasons why your internal battery light may be in the red:

— You’re neglecting your self-care practice.

— You’re worrying too much about things you can’t control.

— You’re getting caught in negative thought loops.

— You’re overwhelmed and not asking for help.

— You’re overthinking too much.

— You’re spending too much time doom scrolling on social media.

— You’re saying “yes” to everyone else and neglecting your own needs.

— You’re too worried about making everyone else around you happy.

— You’re not prioritizing your own needs.

— You’re not holding your personal boundary line.

— And you’re not giving yourself any downtime.

And if you checked off even a few of the bullets on the above list, then you need to plug back into a power source to recharge or risk burning out altogether.

There are some easy ways, though, to recharge. And it starts with recognizing the signs that you may need a break and then committing to take action.

Here are a few easy ways to refuel your social power bank:

— Set (and keep) boundaries.

— Consider practicing meditation or mindfulness.

— Talk with supportive friends or a therapist if you have one.

— Take time to power down and rest.

— Devote some time to hobbies or activities that bring you joy.

— Develop a self-care plan.

— Stop worrying about other people’s stuff.

— Get out into nature to walk or run or hike.

— Get to bed an hour early.

— When you’ve hit your social limit, don’t be afraid to say your goodbyes and leave.

Just remember, we all reserve the right to set our own social limits. And no one knows our own threshold better than we do, which means we always need to be taking inventory of how charged or depleted our battery is day to day. Because if we’re going to show up as our best selves, we need to prioritize and make the time to recharge properly to ensure our social battery is full when we need it most.

Lisa Sugarman is a local author, a nationally syndicated columnist, a three-time survivor of suicide loss, a mental health advocate and a crisis counselor with The Trevor Project. She’s also a storyteller with the National Alliance on Mental Illness and the host of “The Suicide Survivor Series” on YouTube. Sugarman is also a Survivor of Suicide Loss Grief Group facilitator for Samaritans. Visit her online at lisasugarman.com.