We Are Who We Are: Why we need to be sharing our stories
By Lisa Sugarman
In my debut We Are Who We Are column from last month, I talked at length about the importance of getting vulnerable as a way for all of us to resolve to be more transparent with our feelings and emotions as we head into the new year. Well, this month, it felt like a natural continuation of that conversation to encourage everyone to go one step further and start sharing our stories of loss or trauma or grief or mental illness or whatever challenge(s) we’ve faced that have tested us. Because when we repurpose our lived experiences for the benefit of others, those experiences become like breadcrumbs that we drop to help show others the way.
And we could all use a little help and guidance every once in a while.
When we repurpose our lived experiences for the benefit of others, those experiences become like breadcrumbs that we drop to help show others the way.
See, when we transition from being honest with ourselves about how we’re feeling and begin sharing what we’ve gone through with the people around us, we’re gifting our unique experiences (and what we’ve learned from them) to the people in our orbit.
Because, when you really break it down, vulnerability goes hand in hand with sharing. At least I believe it does. The way I see it, being vulnerable (or open, for lack of a better word) almost always has that sharing component built right in. That’s because sharing what we’ve gone through with the outside world is just a logical extension of being honest with ourselves. It just takes that honesty and launches it out into the world in the form of our story—a story that has the power to help and influence and guide and heal.
And while it’s true that not all our stories are heartwarming or uplifting, even the tough ones have value. In fact, it’s often our hardships and pain that can benefit us, and others, the most. Because it’s within our darkest moments where we can extract the most powerful lessons—lessons of resilience and courage and hope.
So, in my mind, vulnerability is simply a gateway to the natural next step which is telling people our stories. Because unless we share our human experiences openly and honestly, there’s no other way people will know what we’ve gone through and how we’ve met those challenges. That’s why the art of storytelling is so critical.
It’s no secret that storytelling is the most age-old and powerful way of connecting over our shared humanity. Because, if it’s one thing we’ve all got, no matter who we are or where we come from, it’s a story to tell. And believe me, our stories matter.
I mean, not only do our shared experiences remind us that we’re not alone in the world, but they also strengthen our bonds with each other and create a sense of connectedness that few other things have the capacity to do. According to Samaritans Health Services, sharing personal stories can help to bring people together across divisions. Often, in the hearing of another’s story we hear something that reminds us of our own experiences, and this has potential to build bridges between generations and cultures, helping us focus on commonality over difference.
Look, if you’re a pragmatist like me, then you’re gonna benefit from a bunch of valid reasons why it’s beneficial for us to share our stories. So, I’m gonna give them to you as proof that opening up to each other really can be the agent of change for so many challenges we face, like loneliness and the stigma of mental illness and addiction and grief and loss. Because when someone shares something they’ve experienced — good or bad—it creates a point of connection that proves that we’re not alone.
That said, here are a handful of reasons why we need to get comfortable sharing our stories:
Sharing helps us create connections and find our community.
Opening up to others with our lived experience(s) creates a safe space for others to do the same .
Talking about our fears and challenges allows people to see our humanness, and, in turn, their own.
Hearing someone else’s story of loss or sadness or hopelessness is a learning experience that can give us new perspectives on challenges we’ve never considered and that creates empathy. Telling our story is one of the most effective ways of inspiring and motivating and educating others.
Sharing our stories can help us heal. So, consider this your invitation to start sharing. You won’t be sorry.
If you or someone you know is struggling, please call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Hotline and a trained lifeline counselor will be there to help. You can also bookmark my Mental Health Resources page at lisasugarman.com/resources, so you’ll always have the resources you need when you need them most.
Lisa Sugarman is an author, nationally syndicated columnist, three-time survivor of suicide loss, mental health advocate and crisis counselor with The Trevor Project. She’s also a storyteller with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and the host of The Suicide Survivor Series on YouTube. Lisa is also a Survivor of Suicide Loss Grief Group facilitator for Samaritans, Inc. and she’s the author of “How To Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids And Be Ok With It,” “Untying Parent Anxiety” and “LIFE: It Is What It Is.” Her work has appeared on Healthline Parenthood, GrownAndFlown, TODAY Parents, Thrive Global, The Washington Post, LittleThings and More Content Now.