WE ARE WHO WE ARE: Facing our own limitations can be hard
By Lisa Sugarman
I’ve always been an active person. Like super active. To the point where sitting still isn’t really part of my top-tier skill set. (Or any tier for that matter.) But that’s just how I’m wired. And I know I’m not the only one.
But what happens when we can’t be active in all the ways we’re used to? Like when either our bodies or our minds — or both — start to fail us.
Because the reality is, what our minds often want isn’t always what our bodies can support, especially as we age — something I’m becoming more and more familiar with the further I climb in my 50s. And that’s because, even though we may go to great lengths to stay fit and to preserve our mental and physical health, sometimes aspects of our health and well-being are beyond our control because our bodies or our minds go rogue.
In my case, I love to move my body through fitness and flex my brain by creating content that makes people think and question and engage. And I’ve been fortunate to have been able to do those things on the daily for decades. Well, until recently anyway.
That’s because, as luck would have it, I’ve had a few physical setbacks over the last year and as a result I’ve had to downshift my fitness gears (and some of my work) from roughly 110 mph down to a gentle idle. And for someone who’s used to leading a very physical and movement-driven life, it’s been a bit of an adjustment. And even though it’s nothing terribly serious (debilitating arthritis, just so no one worries it’s anything worse), it did require two back-to-back surgeries in the last 10 months that have really thrown me off my game.
This sudden and extended slow-down has forced me to pivot to a place of doing things very differently than I’ve done before, for an extended amount of time. And while I know that in my case this change of pace and capacity is only temporary, it got me thinking about how the natural process of aging and dealing with physical and mental limitations can affect our headspace. Because I know for me, being even a little off my regular routine has had a direct impact on my mental health. And not in a positive way.
Just remember, setbacks happen and most of them are beyond our control. But the one thing that’s always going to be in our control is how we react to them.
So even though facing our own limitations can be hard, we always have the capacity to pivot in a new direction.
Just as a quick example, although I’m clearly able to write the piece you’re currently reading, what isn’t obvious is that I’ve had to backspace about 286 times so far as I’m typing this and I’m only on the seventh paragraph. That’s because the girth of the mandarin-colored-and-quite-perky cast I have on my right hand is so damn wide that every time I try to hit one key on the keyboard, I hit six. And that’s just one silly example.
Some of the other more, shall we say, frustrating ways that I find myself restricted involve things like not being able to run or lift weights or type for extended periods of time or put the 27 pounds of hair on my head into a bun or shave the calf of my right leg or button or zip things. You know, the big stuff.
Point being, I’m a wee bit limited these days and I think it’s worth calling attention to the eventuality that we’re all going to be challenged by limitations somewhere down the line, whether it’s due to aging or injury. Because whether we like it or not or whether we’re ready for it or not, we’re all going to reach a point where doing the things we’re used to doing isn’t easy anymore. And that can be a huge emotional hurdle to clear.
So, what do we do? What did I do?
Well, here’s what I’ve learned from a temporary derailment that we can also apply to longer-term limitations that happen as we age:
— Acknowledge the changes or restrictions that are happening and work toward accepting where you are right now.
— Adjust your expectations so they better align with what your body can handle.
— Adapt your physical activities to be lower-impact or less strenuous.
— Find and join communities that are doing your level of activity.
— Seek support from mental health professionals or support groups to help you manage any feelings of depression or anxiety.
— And lean into the people around you for support.
Just remember, setbacks happen and most of them are beyond our control. But the one thing that’s always going to be in our control is how we react to them. So even though facing our own limitations can be hard, we always have the capacity to pivot in a new direction. And sometimes that pivot can lead us to an even better place than where we started.
Lisa Sugarman is an author, a nationally syndicated columnist, a three-time survivor of suicide loss, a mental health advocate and a crisis counselor with The Trevor Project. She’s also a storyteller with the National Alliance on Mental Illness and the host of “The Suicide Survivor Series” on YouTube. Lisa is also a Survivor of Suicide Loss Grief Group facilitator for Samaritans and she’s the author of “How To Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids And Be OK With It,” “Untying Parent Anxiety” and “LIFE: It Is What It Is.” Her work has appeared on Healthline Parenthood, GrownAndFlown, TODAY Parents, Thrive Global, The Washington Post, LittleThings and More Content Now. Lisa lives and writes just north of Boston. Visit her online at lisasugarman.com.