Today is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day and I’m a survivor of suicide loss 3 times over. And I have a few thoughts on how we can change the narrative…
Today is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day and it’s symbolic because it’s a day when the entire world rallies around the same important issue: suicide. And that’s a positive thing for sure. The other 364 days of the year, though, being a suicide loss survivor sucks. And there’s no other way to say it. That’s why I’m not going to sugarcoat it to make it easier to digest because I know I can’t, no matter how hard I try. And it doesn’t suck any less today, it’s just a day when the world is putting a spotlight on suicide and highlighting the need for more of us to get vulnerable and start having the hard conversations. That’s the hidden benefit of a day like today.
I’ve lost three people in my life to suicide—my dad Jim, my cousin Arnold, and my childhood friend Steven—so I feel oddly qualified to have this conversation. I’m also a crisis counselor with The Trevor Project, a storyteller with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), and a mental health advocate, so my relationship with suicide and the grief and stigma attached to it is multifaceted. That’s why, on a day like today, the question that fills my head the most is, How do we change the narrative about suicide to ensure that people who are struggling get the help and support they need before it’s too late?
It’s our job to help end suicide.
; We do it by creating safe spaces where people can be unapologetically vulnerable and open about what’s going on in their heads & hearts.
; We ask the hard questions.
; We listen, without judgement.
; And we offer support.
THAT’S how we beat suicide.
Because there’s an overwhelming amount of helplessness attached to being a survivor. Internal narratives like powerlessness and isolation and shame and deep sadness can be debilitating if we let them. But that doesn’t have to be all there is. Even though we may have lost someone close to us to suicide, it doesn’t mean we still can’t help someone else avoid the same tragic outcome through the power of our own lived experience. Because we most definitely can.
In my opinion, there are two fundamental things we need to be thinking about today:
; How to find support for our own feelings of grief and pain after a suicide loss, and
; Ensuring that those who are struggling reach out and seek help
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), over 700,000 people take their own life each year. That’s one person every 40 seconds. And that’s just not ok. Now multiply those 700,000 suicides by the number of family members and friends affected by each loss and that’s an incalculable ripple effect of grief. But there are things we can do to deflate those numbers and much of that work starts with encouraging people to be open and vulnerable about their struggles. Because so many of those who died by suicide were too paralyzed by the fear of the stigma of mental illness to reach out for help. They were afraid of the shame and judgement and isolation that often accompanies depression or anxiety. So, they stayed in the shadows and suffered alone.
So, what can we do to help dilute the stigma of mental illness and encourage people to reach out and find support before it’s too late? We can:
talk openly and transparently about mental illness. And don’t stop
create safe spaces where people who are struggling feel seen and heard and validated
hold space for the people around us who are struggling without judgement or criticism
be intentional with the language we use because our words matter
remember that mental illness is an illness like any other that needs care, attention, and treatment
normalize seeking help and talking to a therapist or counselor
watch for the warning signs of mental illness in the people around us and educate yourself on how to help if someone is in crisis
use our voice to correct misconceptions about mental illness
participate in events or campaigns in our area to help show representation within the mental health community
encourage anyone we know who’s struggling or in crisis to call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for 24/7/365 support from trained counselors
The sad reality is that we can’t save the ones we’ve already lost to suicide. But what we can do is use days like today to honor them and to amplify a message of hope for those who are still here so that, together, we can change the game.
If you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 and a trained crisis counselor will be there to help.
Visit my RESOURCES page for a comprehensive list of mental health and suicide-specific resources and organizations to help you or someone you know who is in crisis.
Lisa Sugarman is an author, a nationally syndicated columnist, a survivor of suicide loss, a mental health advocate, and a crisis counselor with The Trevor Project. She’s also a storyteller with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and the host of The Suicide Survivor Series on YouTube. Lisa writes the opinion column It Is What It Is and is the author of How To Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids And Be Ok With It, Untying Parent Anxiety, and LIFE: It Is What It Is, available on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, and everywhere books are sold. Her work has appeared on Healthline Parenthood, GrownAndFlown, TODAY Parents, Thrive Global, The Washington Post, LittleThings, and More Content Now. Lisa lives and writes just north of Boston. Visit her online at lisasugarman.com.